doing great on nanowrimo just over a thousand words to go 🙂 Soon I shall publish on the kindle and nook
Okay a quick update and a Happy Thanksgiving to anybody who reads this! After the 30th the end of NaNoWriMo I am going back and finishing Katy Lily book 2 The Veil Lifts and then after that I am going to write another book and then I will do Katy Lily Book 3So stay tuned to Kati!
This is my hell. If this isn’t hell, then I don’t know what is. From the moment I was told I was the spawn of death to this moment, when I take a young mother who just gave birth to the babies she wanted more than life. She knew carrying these babies to term would kill her, but she did it anyway. Taking souls like this kills me. It makes me want to turn against my duties; it makes me want to not take the life. But I must if I don’t then the soul rots in the body, causing the body to rot, making a demon on earth. I don’t even want to look at the little girl or the little boy, but I am drawn to them. I look at the little girl and I know, I know she will grow up to be my saving grace. Then I hear her name. Her father called her Grace. I left, taking the soul of the mother to her judgment day. Whispering to the little girl before I left “Grace, may the grace of God allow you to forgive me.”
I couldn’t get the her out of my head, I knew that I would not enter her life again until she was older, and I had a feeling I would be taking her father when I did. He was a good man, I watched him raise the two children. I watched him accept his son when he came out homosexual. I watched him fight for equal rights. I watched him fight for the rights of veterans. I watched him fight for those who needed saving. And I kept watching and waiting for his name to come to me. I waited for the fate to send the message saying to take his soul. I waited, and waited. But my jobs were never done. I didn’t get much time to watch her grow up. But I wanted to make sure she was happy.
She was so smart; she wanted to be a doctor. I watched as she worked hard in high school. I watched her face fill with excitement and joy when she received a letter stating she had been granted a scholarship. I did that, I wanted to make sure money was never a problem for her, that money would not be the reasons he had to give up on her dreams. I watched her through as she went through college and med school, as she stated her internship. Then I got a name I wasn’t expecting.
It was her brother… he was going to kill himself. He had been the subject of so much hate. I was hoping his scholarship to that fancy music school in New York City would save him. But there was more hate then love in this world. In a world that most of the time I hated the human race because of that, though I so badly wanted to be part of the human race again. So I always did what I could to help, donating becoming an activist, in so many things. I tried to make the world a better place. But I always seemed to take those that are most worthy of life from this world.
I wanted so badly to tell her. My Grace would be torn up by this, and I wanted so bad to tell her. But I knew it would only create a demon on Earth in his shell because his soul would rot, if not taken when his string was cut. I did my other jobs throughout the day. I knew when he would take his life, and I wanted to be there when it happened. It does not happen all the time, but sometimes, the soul ends up remaining with the body for a few moments after death. I wanted to be there to take his soul moments before his body died so that way he would not have to feel the pain of death. Death is always painful, always for the body, but if we get there just at the right time we can prevent the soul from feeling it.
I watched him for most of the night. I knew when it was going to happen and how, but I couldn’t stop it. Grace was going to hate me for not stopping it. I was not worthy of a soul as beautiful as hers. I watched as he said goodbye to his boyfriend, as he told him he loved him all night. I watched as he called his father, and left a message saying ‘forgive me… I love you.” I watched as he called his sister, my Grace, and watched as his eyes filled at tears of how much pain he was going to leave his loved ones in, but he couldn’t face the hate in this world any longer. He almost lost his boyfriend because of intolerance, and the hate had gotten to him. So at twenty seven he was going to take his life. He didn’t want to live in a world that would allow people to hate. I cried with him, though he didn’t know I was there, I held his hand as he lay on his bed, waiting for the pills to take his life. Just seconds before the final pain of death, I took his soul. Then I took him to his judgment, most suicides get put into limbo, until they can be reborn to try again. But I was not going to allow that to happen. It can take centuries to be reborn. I left his soul with the judges, and told them my opinion. The first time I ever have voiced an opinion with judgment. They came back with something that shocked me.
“Eron, you want this soul to have a chance at paradise, or for us to give him his rebirth in the next year, so we give you this chance. Convince your soul mate, Grace, to forgive you, to accept you, to love you, within the next year, then we will give him his rebirth, if not then he will wait his turn.” They then disappeared leaving me to go back to Earth.
I did not know how I was going to achieve this; she was a new intern who just found out her brother had died. Her twin had died. I watched her tell her father. I watched her plan the funeral, watched her fight with the Catholic Church to give him a Catholic funeral. He deserves a Catholic funeral; he was a good kid that was driven to take his life, because of the hate and pathetic people of this Earth. I joined her fight. I was timed it to be there when she came in to fight the priest for her brother’s funeral. I pretended to overhear the fight, and I joined her.
“You said his note was that he could no longer take the hate of this world?” I asked.
“Yes, his note stated that the attack on his boyfriend, and the fighting for equal rights was getting so hard on him. He was saddened by hatred in this world. Now the Catholic Church is refusing to treat him as an equal even in death!” Grace was angry, and I couldn’t blame her.
“Let me guess if I were to offer a big donation to the church you would treat him as an equal?” I said with a sneer, I was not a fan of organized religion.
“How big were you thinking?” The priest stated with greed in his eyes.
“I have one hundred thousand dollars that says that this boy and all others like him get equal rights in this church.” I stated, writing out the check, a hundred thousand was like going to get a cup of coffee for me.
“Deal.” The priest stated and turned to Grace.
“Well Miss Grace Casey, your brother Benjamin will have a Catholic funeral.” He said bringing out an appointment book. “I have this Thursday open. Is that okay?”
Grace had a look of shock on her face. “Yes that is fine.” The priest then left them alone.
Grace turned to look at me. “Thank you. My name is Grace Casey. Did you know my brother?”
I looked into her eyes, losing myself in their gold brownish color. “Yes, I knew Benjamin.”
“Are you…” She didn’t know how to ask her question.
“If you are wondering if I am gay, I am not. I just believe in equal rights. And that the hate and ignorance of people really needs to be put to a stop. My name is Eron Johnson.”
“Oh… So you knew my brother how?”
“I will tell you at another time. Let’s just focus on making sure he is put to rest. It is a shame he had to be taken so young. Your poor father, he must be destroyed.”
“Dad was always afraid of AIDS, not this, never did we think suicide. I mean, we knew he had issues, but he was getting better. He was fighting for marriage rights in New York; he was going to marry his boyfriend. Poor Lester, he is so tore up about this, he feels he should have known. But he was in the hospital he was almost killed, just for being gay. It is sick.”
We sat and talked for the rest of the day, and over the next few months I helped her deal with the loss of her twin. Our talking turned into dating, and soon I was coming up on my deadline. I was going to have to tell her the truth. One night I was going to take her out to a nice restaurant then come home and tell her all the truths about myself. But I came home and she was crying.
“Honey what is wrong?” I went up and pulled her into my arms.
“Someone told me that you are lying. That you are living a double life. That all your traveling is because you have many girlfriends in all over the country.” She said sobbing.
“I only love you, I have no other girlfriends. No other person holds my heart and soul only you. But I do have a secret. Please hear me out.” So I told her everything. From the moment I took her mother’s soul. My first words to her, my watching her grow up. My scholarships; because her family deserved them; and I told her the worst secret of them all. How I knew her brother. I told her everything, where I was when his name came up, how I stayed with him. How I took his soul so he would feel no pain. Only thing I didn’t tell her was the condition on his soul being reborn. Just that I fought for him. “I am a reaper.”
She said nothing for a long time. She looked at me; I could tell she was working everything out in her head. “So you are how old?”
“Eight hundred thirty six years old. And never once in my life have I ever loved anyone like I love you.”
“So you took my brother’s soul to judgment, you took his soul, and fought for him. Because of me?”
“And him, he had a hard life, and because of the hate in this world his promising life was cut short. He was a good person.”
“And you took my mom. You were there when I was born? Did my mom go to heaven?”
“Your mother was sentenced to five years in purgatory, limbo, and then she could enter paradise.”
“And my brother?”
“That depends on my actions regarding you.”
“I cannot tell you, until I have an answer on if you still love me, if you can forgive me.”
“Why would I have to forgive you? You had no control over your fate. And I am glad you were there with my brother, that he had someone there to hold his hand.” She turned and kissed me. “I love you, and there is nothing to forgive you for, I love you.”
I felt my soul become complete; it was like my heart starting beating again. I knew I would no longer get the messages from the fates; I would no longer have to take the souls of those who deserved life more than most of the humans that live in this world. “You complete me, my saving Grace.”
I sit and watch them. All of them. My charges. I watch their lives then I take them. I take their souls, I cut their life force. I get their name, I send it to the reaper, and then I cut their life force. They die. They go to judgment. Unless they are a reaper. Then they go to limbo if they hadn’t found their soul mate. I have always followed my instructions. I have never once waivered in my duties, until his name came up. This is my story. My tale of how I fell from glory, how I gave up my soul, to save his. Join me if you dare.
I am a fate. The beings life force is in my strings. All my strings interlace somehow. Someone touches one life, which touches another, and so forth. I was made to do this. The fates, we control all life and death of the mortal or potentially mortal beings. As non-mortals such as angels and other beings can give up their mortality for mortality at anytime, even a reaper who is forced to be immortal can give up their life, even if they haven’t found their soul mate. They can still die. All beings can still die. It is rare but it happens. My job was to cut their life force. After that it is the reapers job to take them to judgment. I give each life challenges that have been assigned to them, I do not choose their paths; I just make sure they happen. By placing very specific knots in their strings of life, I will do this for eternity, until the last being on earth dies. Then we shall have our paradise. Our promise of paradise, we shall once again enter heaven and be welcomed. Each of us use to be angels of life, we fought against death in mortals. Since we lost, our punishment is to bring about that death. And I do my job, as I knew the joys of heaven, and I knew what awaited me there once we had served our sentence.
I was sitting there making sure that I intertwined the strings of life, which would be tangled together for eternity when handed a black thread. I never received a black thread before, I had received others, and an example would be a dark blood red is for a sociopathic killer. They are wrapped tightly around their victims. I know my humans’ fates long before they do. I looked down at the black thread and I knew it was a reaper. All reapers had a thread. But they were rarely cut. In fact most of the senior fates took the strings of the reapers, as they are intertwined with so many threads at the end. This one came with a bright gold bottom, I had never seen that. When looking closely it was two threads combined into one. Meaning that this person found their soul mate. One line was a little longer then the other, but not by much. I had never seen gold before, and that gold cleared up his black. Most reapers had the potential to be joined to a mortal, but o see it come with the gold thread intertwined already it was strange. The gold being long and full of a million knots. Not that length matters, a very long string could mean a million challenges in a short life span.
I never really thought much about it, I saw him as he grew up, as he came to term with his fate as a reaper, as he did his duty for four thousand years. As I watched him, I fell for him. No matter what life threw at him, or should I say I threw at him, he still kept his goodness. He never was going to be tempted; he waited patiently for his soul mate. I knew there was one for him; the gold string was proof of that. So I watched and let myself feel for him, even though I was supposed to be neutral. Even though I knew the punishment for falling one of my beings.
One day was sitting there waiting for my list of names and their time of death, when another fate was escorted to the main office. We never went in there. Only to be demoted, or destroyed. I felt fear because I knew one of the reasons that we were destroyed was refusing to kill a being, falling for that being. I talked to the fate next to me. “What happened?”
“Drew fell for one of the beings she watched.”
“What will happen?”
“Don’t know, if she didn’t cut his thread her soul is forfeit, she will be destroyed, darkness of limbo forever. Or hell. Whichever the council decides. I hope she only gets limbo.” Tyler stated and grabbed his file of the desk.
My file was quite large as I was in charge of a reaper thread, this file would be my work for the next fifty years. I sighed and returned to my station. Carefully pulling off the top paper and I started to make the knots of the beings’ challenges in their life strings. I was biding my time to paradise. And I wasn’t having such a bad time watching my beings, especially William. He was just as patient, for his chance at a normal life, as I was to go back to heaven. There was very few ways I could be allowed back in the, simplest was I did my punishment. The other was to become mortal and follow a mortal life, and die a mortal death, then be judged upon that death. There was a chance then that I would end up having to go through purgatory before entering heaven. And that could be a long time depending on how I was judged.
I passed the years watching him, falling for him more with each passing year. I wished him all the best, I wished for his soul mate to enter his life. I wondered what it would be like to be mortal. I was half tempted to ask for a mortal life. But you would be dropped in the middle of nowhere with only an identity. No place to live, no steady work, nothing but the clothes on your back and a brand new identification card. Then all of a sudden your life string would be full of knots and bumps and fringes. I was tempted only because of him.
I was getting to the end of my file, I sighed. I knew it would just mean another wait in line and a new file. I cut a string of a child and I could feel the same sadness her family was feeling. I always could. I was an angel who once gave life. Now I take it. Some angels couldn’t bear becoming the fates, they choose mortal lives, or to be in limbo until the end of days. I don’t blame them. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice to stay here. To take the lives I once wrote down. All lives are written in the book, from the first to the last. They are born, and they live. Then the Morning Star had to tempt Eve with that bloody fig. Now because of that not only are the humans and other beings of our creation forced to die, but the angels of life are forced to be the bringers of death. I sigh and return to my work.
I pick up the last paper, and I gasp. It was William’s name. They wanted me to cut his life string. But he hadn’t found his soul mate yet. No I would not allow it. I didn’t cut the string. I go up and went to the main office. I knocked. I knew by doing this I was going to be destroyed. I would cease to have ever existed. The lives that I would have touched now would be set to take a different road.
“Come in Alexis.” The voice on the other end stated calmly.
I walk in; I take the paper and ripe it in two. “I will not do it. He deserves his chance at finding his soul mate. He is good. He does not deserve limbo! Destroy me I do not care. Allow him to live, to find his soul mate. Please.”
“Very passionate words from very promising fate, one that would have become head fate in time to come. But you would give all that up for a reaper to find his soul mate? Why?”
“Love. I fell in love with him.”
“Very interesting… very interesting indeed.” The head fate stood up, and walked around to me, placing both hands on my shoulders. “There is no going back. Are you sure you are willing to give up everything for this reaper to find his soul mate?”
“Yes. His thread showed that he would. Why is it to be cut?”
“We do not question why, but his thread did show another soul attached to his. Gold I believe was the thread?”
“Yes, stunning gold.”
“A fate’s thread.” Was the last words I heard then I was standing in the middle of a road, in the middle of nowhere.
I looked around and there was nothing but corn fields. I sighed. I don’t know what the head fate’s last words meant, but I knew I had been made mortal. I pulled my ID out of my pocket. Alexis Burton. So my name was now Alexis Burton. Well I had to make the best of it. It was better than limbo or hell. I turned to start walking down the road when a car came out of now where. There was another being in the road, he was not moving. The car was coming upon him quickly.
I didn’t think. Back when I was a fate there would have been nothing I could do, but now I was mortal. I could change this man’s fate. I ran to where he was, I don’t even know how I made it time. But I pushed him out of the way just as the car would have hit him. It hit me instead. I lay on the ground, I didn’t feel hurt. I didn’t feel different, then I had in just moments ago, but I knew the car had it me. I opened my eyes and there staring back at me was William. “What were you doing?” I asked before I could think.
“I live here, this is my farm land. I was trying to catch the man who running down the animals. Instead he ran down you, but I got his plate number. Let me help you up.” He stated, as he grabbed my hand to help me up.
“Thank you.” Then the head fate’s words came back to me. ‘A fate’s thread.’ I didn’t put them together but a fate was his soul mate. I was his soul mate. I knew looking into his eyes, he knew it as well. I all of a sudden was really happy for that reaper gift of knowing when they found their soul mate. I had known fates had threads but we had never seen them, because the only one who could cut them as highest being in creation. She held onto them.
“I can’t believe it. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.”
“Well you are not a doctor. Maybe is should get checked out.” I knew that mortal bodies could not have taken that hit, but I felt alright.
“No I can tell, you are alright. Probably because you are a reaper’s soul mate.” He said, and it shocked me he would be so open and so blunt about being a reaper.
“A reaper?” I tried to play it off like I didn’t know what he was talking about but I was too late, he had caught my pause.
“You are not a mortal.” He said as we reached his front door.
“I am now.”
He opened the door and led me to a couch, where I sat down. He walked out of the room and came back with a pitcher of tea and a couple of glasses. He handed a glass to me and filled it, filled one for himself and sat down. “What were you?”
“A real fate? Why are you now mortal?”
I sipped the tea for a moment before answering. But I told him it all. Everything. Form the moment I received his string to the moment I pushed him out of the way of the car. “They wanted me to cut your string. You would have died at that moment the car hit you. But I refused to cut your string. I thought they were going to destroy me. Instead they sent me to you. I asked them to give you your soul mate. To destroy me instead of cutting your life force.”
“So they sent me my soul mate. They allowed me to live.” He smiled. After four thousand and some odd years he was going to be able to live a normal life. “I hope you like Iowa honey because this place is the closest to heaven I have found on Earth. Allow me to introduce myself. I am William Burton.”
I laughed. “My name is Alexis, the surname they gave me on my ID is Burton.” I said laughing.
“Well they didn’t spear any time.” He said and hugged me close to him. “I can’t believe I have you finally in my life.”
“I have watched you for four thousand and some odd years, wondering who would be your soul mate, what being mortal was like. Now I know that answer, and I get to be mortal with you. And maybe again see heaven someday. Until then you can show me the joys of being a mortal in Iowa.” I said with a smile, as he bent to kiss me for the first time, and that started our new and wonderful life.
I opened my eyes and found at the window of the house the head fate smiling back at us. He winked and disappeared. And at that moment I knew no matter the knots in our string, we would weather them together, forever.
Here I am stuck between worlds, watching the person I am assigned to, and wondering why I ever did what I did. What did I do? I killed myself. I broke up with someone I had loved, well he dumped me. I felt like I could not live without out so, I was tempted by the razor in my shaver. The next thing I really remember is waking up in front of a dark figure. He told me I would have a chance to redeem my soul. I had taken my life because of love. So love must save my soul. I would be given a person, who was on the same path as I was, and I was to save him. I must show him life is better, to find him his soul mate. Only when he said “I love you” to a person and he really means it, will I be released from my punishment.
Meet my ward so to say, his name is Adam, and he ran again from another relationship. The man is hot, he has bright blue eyes, and unruly black curly hair, and he works out, and you can tell. And the trouble is he knows it. He is also very rich, so he is under the impression that people only love him for his money. Not his mind and quirky ways. Like being a gamer. Or the fact that his sense of humor can be dark. He really is a nice guy. He donates to a lot of children charities; he spends his time with children who have nothing. He gives out scholarships; he is truly a good person. I wish I had met someone like him when I was alive; he is a perfect man, money or no. You should have seen his face when I was dumped in the middle of his apartment. It was classic, but after about ten shots and a lot of explaining he seemed okay with it, well he was going to deal with it. Of course I was also dumped quite nude into his place, so we had to find me some clothes. Thankfully I could put clothes on! I was nude because I had died that way. If I knew that was going to happen I would have wore that tiny black dress I had made just a few weeks before I died. My sister wears that dress now, all the time. He is the only person that can see me, and that sometimes upsets me. I wish I could tell my family I am sorry. Sorry for what I put them though, what they will always have to live with. I wish I could tell them that it wasn’t something they did, it was me, and I knew how to hide my depression. And how abusive my relationship was, but my focus is now on Adam. I have been in this limbo land for three years now, and he has still yet to mature enough to say I love you to anybody.
Thankfully I don’t have a time limit I have until he dies, if he dies without saying those words then I fail, I will be stuck in limbo forever. So it is not like I am not trying! I have talked him into plenty of relationships, however he always runs when he feels like he might be falling in love! I am about to strangle him, and now he hasn’t been on a date in over a year. He says why should he go out when he has me at home. I just roll my eyes and keep reminding him that I am dead. He always reminds me that it is a pity that another man drove me to take myself from the world. He thought I was quiet interesting, and much better companion then the women I kept telling him to ask out.
One day I was sitting there filling my nails, or pretending to, so I could pass the time, as I can’t really file them. I was waiting for him to come home from his job, which was being a big shot investment manager on Wall Street; I figured with a new bar opening up I can find someone else to set him up with tonight. As soon as he walked through the door I knew we were going to be fighting again.
“Adam, I told you we are going out tonight.” I stated standing up, I was wearing a cute little outfit I had made from some fabric he had bought me.
“I don’t want to go out to find my so called ‘soul mate’!” He stated making the quotation marks with his fingers.
“You don’t know what will happen if you don’t.” I stated and went to his bedroom and started picking out clothes for the club tonight.
“You keep saying that, like it is some horrible thing that will happen if I don’t find someone to say ‘I love you’ to.” He stated following me.
I sighed. I couldn’t tell him what happens to me if I fail; it is in the bloody rule book. “I told you I can’t tell you some things, but you could end up going down the same path as I did. I don’t want to see that!” I yelled back at him.
“Why?” He asked grabbing my wrist and pulling me away from the closet.
I flinched; remember my last boyfriend, and the violence I endured. I pulled my arm away, and he let go right away. I just glared at him as he sputtered his apologies. “It is fine.”
“No it is not, I never should have touched you that way.” He stated, as I started to walk away he pulled me back to him, holding me in his arms. “I should not have touched you that way! Look at me!” He said as I looked down at his chest.
“It is fine let’s just concentrate on you! You have a chance in this world, I don’t anymore, and I took that chance away from myself. I won’t take it away from you!”
“Why don’t you want that for me? Is it just to save yourself?”
I looked up at him appalled at his question. “NO! I truly care for you. I love you; you don’t deserve what happens when people like me do what I did! I don’t want that for you!”
He just smirked and bent down and kissed me. It seemed like time stopped. “I love you.” He whispered against my lips, kissing me before I could respond.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the being that had met me at my death. He smiled. He waved his hand and the next thing I know my heart was beating, and I could feel myself coming back to life. There was a large burst of light and a voice. “Don’t make me regret giving you a second chance at life.”
I smiled and knew that this time around I wasn’t going to make my same mistakes. Adam smiled at me, and I at him. “I get a second chance.”
“Good, then it won’t look so weird when I marry you.” Adam stated and then kissed me again. And everything, for once, was right in the world. Even if for just that moment in time. After all life is made up of little moments that define us, make a life or even take a life. But sometimes you get a second chance.